Mortality Club

I find when I am with my dear friend Sharon Emery, any topic can pop up and become the subject of a lively, enjoyable, and satisfying discussion.

A few years ago we grappled with a subject that has fascinated me for some time: mortality. We had both spent time thinking about it from multiple perspectives, and Sharon had had similar conversations with two other friends: Meegan Holland and Sarah Kellogg.

Sharon proposed a meeting in the style of a book club for the four of us to share resources and our thoughts on the subject. Thus began Mortality Club.

I pulled out my "end-of-life" folder and brushed up on things such as Advanced Directives, living wills, DPOAs for health care, and writings I had saved over the years. All four offered readings and posed questions for the meeting. It happens this coming Saturday, August 24, 2019.

I'm plunking the items we shared here as a way to store them temporarily while we devise a more permanent (whatever that means in this context) solution for sharing even more writings, podcasts, and thoughts on the subject. Hashtags to keep things roughly sorted.

#livingwelluntilyoudie 
The Atlantic article: Your Professional Decline is Coming...
Book: Natural Causes
NBC Better article Why scientists say experiencing awe can help you live your best life

#havingagooddeath
Book: Being Mortal
Five Wishes advanced directive pamphlet online
Radiolab: The Bitter End

#mortalityfoodforthought
a. In Blackwater Woods
b. Don’t Hesitate
c. The Buddha’s Last Instruction

Day 11: Destination SE - Avoiding Octavia

We drove south to get away from winter weather, but winter weather came looking for us: winter storm Octavia, due into the southeast (precisely along our homeward route) Sunday night and Monday.

We had already cut our trip short by about two days due to the coming storm, but as weather forecasts evolved, it became clear our go-south-and-west alternate route was not going to cut it. So with dry roads available all day Sunday, we set out from Charleston a day earlier than planned; back the way we came with one exception: we traveled between Lexington and Indianapolis via Cincinnati rather than Louisville.

The photo above, taken in the afternoon on Sunday (probably in Kentucky), shows the early edge of the storm coming in from the west. We missed it entirely. The first snow-covered road we encountered was White Pine Drive, 15 hours after we left Charleston. Thank you, Marathon (Driver) Man Ken Stock.

One special exit was worthy of photographing, just south of Spartanburg on the drive from Charleston to Asheville:

Woodruff, South Carolina. Check it out.

Day 11: Destination SE - One Last Swing Through Charleston

After checking out of our hotel Sunday morning, we took one last drive through Charleston to see a short list of sights we missed.

Battery Park and White Point Garden 

The Grimke Sisters' House (front)

Grimke House, back.

If you look really closely on the horizon in the middle of the sun's glare, you can just see Fort Sumpter.

Day 10: Destination SE - Charleston Tourism and Valentine's Day

Here is a well-known tourist stop in Charleston, which we actually caught on our way out of town on Sunday, called Rainbow Row. I learned from Wikipedia that it is the longest cluster of Georgian row houses in the United States. Apparently, the pastel colors were added during the restoration of the homes in the 1930s and 40s, which shoots the explanation I had heard, which was color coding for shops so slaves could differentiate one from the other (it was illegal to teach slaves to read).

On Saturday, we drove downtown together, parked the car in a ramp, and set off on our separate ways to explore based on our own interests.

Ken walked by the Union Pier...

...and I went to the Old Slave Mart Museum, on the actual historical location where thousands of people were sold into slavery. After my tour, the museum guide, Walter, gave me lots of extra inside tidbits about old Charleston and nearby Gullah sights, including the home of DuBose Heyward, who wrote the novel Porgy, and Catfish Row, the setting for the novel and Gershwin's Porgy and Bess.

Heyward was a descendant of one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence; the house (left) is a Charleston landmark. George Washington not only slept there, he spent the week.

Pictured on the right is the entry to the courtyard behind Cabbage Row, a Revolutionary War era structure that was the real place that inspired Heyward's fictional "Catfish" Row.

This was a sight for sore February eyes on a not-very-warm day: a gorgeous camellia blossom, spotted as I walked to meet Ken for our Valentine's Day brunch.

Our day wrapped up under the watchful eye of our Brasserie Gigi bartenders. Ryan, on the right, is about to open his own place, called "Culture." Once again, good food and good company. If we could afford to pay $100 per meal indefinitely, we could eat in Charleston every day for a year and not be disappointed. (True of Asheville, too.)

After our long brunch we wandered through the historic Charleston City Market, right across the street from the restaurant.

A lovely day, but with winter storm Octavia closing in on the southeast, it looks like we will have to cut our vacation even shorter.

Day 9: Destination SE - Drive to Charleston

With winter weather due in the southeast early next week and cool weather hitting North Carolina now, we decided not to tour our way down the east coast after all. Today, we drove straight to Charleston.

Before arriving in Charleston, I had just finished a book by Sue Monk Kidd: The Invention of Wings. The book is fiction, but follows quite closely the true story of two sisters, Sarah and Angelina Grimke, who grew up in a prominent slave-owning family and later became abolitionists and women's rights activists. It was a good book, and a good grounding in the society and values that produced this beautiful city. In other words, it was built on the backs of enslaved people brought here against their will. Important to remember as one walks down Charleston's beautiful, picturesque streets.

After checking into our hotel, we walked to the visitor welcome center to get the lay of the land. Afterwards, we employed our customary approach to familiarizing ourselves with the area nearby: sit at a bar and chat up the bartender. He recommended a walk up King Street...


...to a couple of nearby hot spots. We chose one called "Prohibition," and had so much fun you'd think it WAS illegal.

Tomorrow we have reservations for a Valentine's Day brunch and some time to explore old Charleston on foot.

Day 8: Destination SE: Windy day with a wonderful ending

As we prepare to depart, I thought it would be a good time to post about one of my favorite features of our "airbnb" lodgings here in Asheville.

See the photo above? Nothing but a telltale tile threshold to indicate anything different about the room behind the door. But when you open it, a big tiled walk-in shower is revealed! It's a nice solution for travelers, allowing one of us to use the commode in the half bath while the other is using the shower.

Thursday was very windy, bringing the windchill down to single digits here in Asheville and curtailing our usual downtown explorations. Ken walked into town to have a hamburger at the Lexington Avenue Brewery, and while his walk downtown was fine, the trip back up to the flat was into the wind and mighty chilly.

I opted for walking at the local mall. Got in about 5,000 steps there.

I also visited a spot on Swannanoa River Rd. known for antique stores. Found one I liked really well--it had some unusual second-hand artwork and lots of reclaimed architectural pieces, including a huge selection of windows with stained glass elements and lots of wrought iron garden fences and doors. I really liked the blue moon window, which must have adorned a shop back in the day, and the wood and iron pub tables, which I thought would look great in Jonna's loft.

Earlier in the week, I persevered through an entire movie with two older couples in the theater chatting and commenting to each other throughout. Very aggravating. When I went to the movies today, once again a silver-haired couple yakked through the ads and previews, and I resolved to leave if they continued after the film started. They did, and I did. Got my refund and left muttering about unfortunate Southern traditions--apparently talking during the movie is one of them??

The day was more than redeemed by the wonderful dinner we had at The Junction, a little place recommended to us by the proprietor of a shop I loved downtown called Horses+Hope. The bartender, a petite pregnant woman, asked us where we were from, and when we said Michigan, she said, "Funny! The family in the next room is from Michigan, and so is she," pointing to the woman next to us at the bar. So everyone in the entire place was from Michigan.

But the kicker was, Chelsea, the young woman at the bar, worked for Bell's Brewery. That made me giggle with glee, and of course we conversed with her on and off during dinner. She is originally from Kalamazoo, and was born in Battle Creek--same as Ken! I explained to her that Ken is known in some parts of the state as "Dr. Oberon," and the joke goes so far that some refer to me as "Mrs. O."

Note the Bell's logo on Chelsea's shirt

The food was delicious. Ken had city chicken and I had monkfish, which doesn't begin to describe the complexity and inventiveness of both dishes. I also enjoyed my Scarborough Faire martini, flavored with--you guessed it--parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.

So on that serendipitous note, our Asheville adventure comes to and end. We're chasing somewhat warmer weather, and will be in Charleston for three nights.

Day 7: Destination SE - What do the Biltmore Estate and Highclere Castle have in common?

What do the Biltmore Estate and Highclere Castle have in common? Other than the obvious parallels between wealthy turn of the century life, during our visit what they had in common was lots and lots of wonderful costumes from the PBS Masterpiece series Downton Abbey.

A visit to the Biltmore Estate was always in our plans as we thought about Asheville. We picked today to visit because of the weather forecast called for sunshine and temperatures in the high 50s. Like the Grove Park Inn, it's very close to where we are staying--less than four miles. We dropped the $100 U.S dollars required for entry and took the grand tour, with the excellent audio program for added historical detail.

As fans of "Downton Abbey," we were tickled to be able to see costumes from the series throughout the mansion, set in rooms appropriate to their style and period. The exhibit, Dressing Downton, premiered here, and continues through 2016 in various other locations.

The estate was too large to fit in my camera's viewfinder, and photography was not allowed inside, so the best view of the estate is on its web page. But here are some of my photos of the "home" and grounds.

You'll see we didn't exactly come at high season for the plantings, but even so you can see Olmsted's genius in the lines, shapes, and textures of the landscape. It is an accomplishment beyond imagining, frankly, considering he didn't just design the gardens (though that would be accomplishment enough), but the entire grounds.

We saw just a small fraction of the estate's outdoor elements. We'll save that for another day, when Olmsted's work can be viewed in all its blooming glory.

Day 6: Destination SE - Lunch at the Grove Park Inn

Today Ken and I drove up to the Grove Park Inn for a late lunch/early dinner, a suggestion from my friend and former boss Marilyn Stephen. It's not far by car from where we are staying, and I had been there on my own a couple days ago so I knew the ropes--or at least the places to park, take in the view, and eat.

Here's the great big stone fireplace in the lobby. There are photos along the hallway showing the construction of the inn, and one of them shows the setting of that big top stone.

In this shot you can see people enjoying the line of rockers in front of the fireplace. Looks like an ad from a sales brochure, doesn't it? Handsome young couple smiling on the left...two white-haired retirees in the center....maybe I can sell it to them??

Across from the fireplace, walled off so the unwashed masses couldn't get their grubby mitts on it, was a 1913 Model T and a panel describing the exploits of a group that called themselves "The Vagabonds": Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, John Burroughs, Harvey Firestone. It reminded me of stories Grandpa Woodruff told on his blog about Uncle Henry Pratt's 1919 trip from Watervliet to the Soo and back with Wilmer, Abigail, Genevieve, and Isadora. They drove a 1915 National.


This panel is a bit hard to read, but you can Google "vagabonds henry ford" to read more about them, and there is actually a short (half hour) documentary about them on Youtube. To watch the video, click HERE.

There is history throughout the building, as you might imagine. Taft is said to have written his letter resigning from the Supreme Court here; F. Scott Fitzgerald did some writing here while Zelda convalesced at a nearby sanitarium. There are photos on the way of every president that spent time at the Inn; I found it interesting that then-Senator Obama prepared for his final presidential debate here.

After our late lunch we lounged in big leather Morris chairs and wandered around the facility like we belonged there (though I'm sure we didn't fool anybody). The staff was very obliging; I'm sure they are used to tourists coming in to soak up the history and enjoy the scenery. We stayed long enough to see the sunset from the big veranda you see in the photo at the beginning of this post.

Day 5: Destination SE - Oscars and Breweries

Even while on vacation, I have my eye on the Oscars. The award show is coming up Sunday, February 22, and it won't be possible to achieve my goal of seeing all films nominated for awards for best picture, best/supporting actor/actress, or best adapted/original screenplay if I don't see some while on vacation. It was cool and rainy; a perfect day for a movie. Happily, two hard-to-find films I hadn't seen were playing nearby: Two Days, One Night and The Theory of Everything. One problem: two older couples in the second feature seemed to think they were in their own living rooms, making comments to each other often enough to irritate me but not often enough to make me walk out.

This left Ken to his own devices. He spent most of the day chillin' in our little flat, and ventured out on foot later to check out more of the downtown breweries. His favorite so far--good beer, good bar, good food and good people-watching--is the Lexington Avenue Brewery.

Lexington Avenue Brewery on--you guessed it--Lexington Avenue in downtown Asheville

Tanks at LAB

His favorites among their brews were "Waves of Grain" amber and "LAB" IPA. I joined him there after the movies and we had fun at the bar (shocker!) with bartender Amanda. I opted for a cocktail instead of beer: a simple and delicious concoction of ginger beer, Gosling Black Seal Rum, and lime called a "Dark & Stormy." Most recipes have the order of assembly as lime, rum, ginger beer, but Amanda reversed it and I liked it that way. The rum at the top makes the top of the drink dark at the top and light at the bottom. About 3 ounces ginger beer over ice, top with 2 ounces rum and a squeeze of lime. I unwisely had two of them and paid for it with a wakeful spell during the night. Lesson (re)learned; back to one per day for the rest of the trip.

Day 4: Destination SE - 70 degrees in Asheville!

We never expected weather this mild for our stay in Asheville. Before the sun set today, it got up to 70 degrees. Sitting in the sun at that temperature, after all the cold days we've had in Michigan, was pure pleasure. It will be mild for the next few days, with a bit of rain possible tomorrow. We'll move on to warmer parts when the temp drops later this week, but we've barely scratched the surface of things to do in Asheville and we're enjoying our two bedroom snore-proof accommodations.

Today was a day for each of us to go our own way. Our plan was to meet up later for dinner, and in the meantime, experience Asheville in our own ways.

I wanted to drive around town to get my bearings. We've learned how to get downtown on foot, but I wanted to see some points accessible by car.

First stop: Car wash. The Solara was Michigan-filthy.

Next stop: The Botanical Gardens of Asheville.

I parked and walked the garden--it's only a half mile loop--and enjoyed especially the chance to sit on a sunny rock in the middle of a stream. The garden backs up to the University of North Carolina Asheville campus. Lots of broadleaf evergreens--it will be beautiful once the azaleas and rhododendrons bloom. The photo below shows where I was sitting. The other photo is the view from that rock back upstream.

Next stop: The Omni Grove Park Inn.

This is a big resort with history going back to the turn of the 20th century. It's a fancy place now, boasting visits from 12 presidents. We'll probably go up for lunch one day, but I wanted to reconnoiter. Its view of the mountains is spectacular.

Ken enjoyed time in Pack Square Park today.

Walking from where we are staying, it's at the highest point in the downtown, at Patton and Biltmore.  It is flanked by the art museum, City Hall, the county building, and an obelisk-shaped veterans memorial.

A pick up football game on the lawn in Pack Square Park

Water fountain sculpture in the park

And lo and behold, there was a tavern next to the park (or was the park next to the tavern?). Green Man, pictured below, is one of the local brews.

For dinner, we ended up at Limones, a high-style spot, just off Biltmore, featuring Mexican cuisine. That's different than Mexican food, dontcha know.

Again, the walk home did us good. This time we were working off Lobster Nachos, Chimichurri Shrimp, and beef and shrimp burrito.